A “readers talk back” web site had the question posted: What are the different kinds of lines? Nominated by peers as the “best answer,” one contributor wrote this: “You can have a curve line, an s-curve line, a multiple curve line, a periodically curved line like a Sine curve, you can have an exponential line, a logarithmic line, a parabolic line, hyperbolic line, elliptical line and circle line, .. etc.” Well, for Quartzsite visitors, this man needs to think out of the box.
At this time of year, forget all about curved lines and parabolics, think more in terms of LONG lines. Where do you find long lines in Quartziste:
The first choice of our readers? “The post office!” Sure enough, the lines at the Main Street post office are still curling well out of the counters, back through the lobby door, snaking their way east across the lobby, and then making a sharp turn and back down into the row of postal boxes, stretching as our friend Loyal would say, “Down yonder.” Happily, the postmistress (who probably isn’t paid enough to be anyone’s mistress) is smart–her counter folks are keeping the lines running at a pretty good clip. Count on about a 15 minute wait, maybe 20, at peak hour.
What other lines do you cope with in Quartzsite? For all you Long Term Visitor Area (LTVA) folks, you know the morning and early afternoon brings huge lines and backups at the dump station. Since there’s only one dump station for the four LTVAs in Quarzsite, it’s a long wait. Our rule of thumb? We count the number of rigs backed up, divide it by 2, and add a zero to the result. That gives the approximate wait time for the last guy in the lineup. Big hint: If you’re just dumping a “blue boy,” and can stand a bit of stink, take your blue boy down to the “No RVs” dump spot close to the guard shack at the LaPosa South LTVA. For all you others? Our best dump time is around 5:00 when everybody else is home watching the evening news.
There are also long lines of parked cars on Highway 95, just south of Kuehn Road–in the vicinity of Rice Ranch. Here’s a tip: Don’t be one of them! Quartzsite Police write BIG parking tickets to folks who park there–right under the funny little white signs that say “No Parking.” You’ve been warned.
Friday nights have their own lines: Most of the local eateries specialize in Friday Night Fish Night, and it seems desert dwellers are filling up on their yen for piscatorial stuff. You’ll find some of the longest fish lines at The Grub Stake, that infamous bar and grill on Highway 95, so popular would local police responding to noise complaints.
And finally, traffic lines. This time of year the best product not bottled, and not sold anywhere in Quartzsite (the place where you can buy just about anything) is patience. Yep, just take a deep breath, keep your foot off the gas and near the brake, and smile at all the folks who probably got their driver license at K-Mart.
We certify that all of the above is true, Honest to Pete. Unless of course we’re demonstrating another one of those series of points that are strung together. In essence: Feeding you a line.